Chapter 8 - talking to the other guy
After d-day, I thought long and hard about whether to make contact with the other guy. There was so much I wanted to say, not a bit of it that would have been helpful to anyone. I actually went to their workplace a couple of times to see him, but he either was not there or there were too many people around. My goal was to let him know how much pain he had caused and how wrong his actions were. As if he didn’t know. I believe God was at work and that it would have been very destructive if we had met then.
Eventually, my goals changed. I still wanted to talk to him, but not to make him feel bad. I wanted to hear from him, man to man, if he intended to honor our commitment to reconcile and if he would agree never to contact my wife again. I prayed that God would lead me and would guide me to say only what was constructive.
I caught him in his office after hours one evening and asked if he had a minute. He recognized me, politely invited me in his office, and said “I guess we better shut the door.” I sat down, he sat down, and he looked nervous and miserable. I said, “I am not here to talk about the past. There is a lot I want to say, but I don’t think it would be helpful and my guess is you already know how I feel about what went on. What I hope to do is talk about the future. You already know that we want to move forward and we hope to reconcile. I need to know what your intentions are toward my wife and if I have your commitment to never contact us again.”
He said that he had gotten my wife’s letter that I had nothing to worry about from him – he said “I am out of the picture.” He also said that he had respect for me for wanting to reconcile in spite of what happened and for what I wasn’t saying in the present conversation. He started to apologize, but I was getting pissed off. Who the hell was he to compliment me? I could only guess what they were saying about me when they were involved in the affair, and I was not going to listen to him now. I had what I came for and stopped him. “If you are trying to apologize,” I said, “don’t bother – I am nowhere close to being ready to accept it. I think this is a good time for us to part ways.”
And we did.