Monday, October 03, 2005

First post

It's been almost 4 years since I learned that my wife was having an affair. I will never forget that moment, and at that moment I never would have thought we would be married -- happily married -- 4 years later. [edit -- now almost 6 years later]

We've healed a great deal since then, but I still want to tell my story, even if nobody hears it. We were smart and kept our private lives private, so I don't have anyone to talk to. So, I started a blog. It's a chance to do a little self-checkup. Plus, maybe there's a couple out there whose world has just been rocked and they're wondering if a happy ending is possible. It is, but it's been a hard road. Worth it, but hard.

So here's to us, for surviving. And here's to the anonymity of the web.

[Edit - By the way, sometimes I get a little steamed when I'm writing, and the language may be a little raw. Sorry about that. Taking myself back to difficult times raises old emotions, but they are old and it is not in any way what I'm feeling now.]


At 6:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you......Its nice to know some of the feelings and emotions Ive had are not alone....1 question long did it take you to regain your weight?

At 12:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i caught my husband having an affair twice..just recently he threaten me that he will get to divorce me upon silly reason i would say..just because i cannot help him to mail to him his important documents within that one day..everything getting more heated when i tell him i cant make it,so he push me till he said that he will divorce me if i cant make he worth to stay with???

At 4:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found emails from a girl in my husbands inbox. SEVERAL. When confronted he fessed up. A 10 month sexual affair with the red headed equivalent of me. When asked why. He honestly answered "Because I could". We have committed to work it out. I'm not sure exactly what we are doing. I said I forgave him. That is what they taught me to do, when someone hurts forgive them. But I keep getting angry. I keep feeling sad and neglected and alone in this. I want to come to a place where I can trust him again. I'm not saying I have not forgiven him. I try hard not to bring up the subject because I don't want him to feel like he has not been forgiven. I'm just saying that my heart hurts so bad and I'm swallowing tears so much that I feel I may explode. The Lord can heal us from this. I know that he has put an end to the affair. I know we will make it, I just don't know how. So internet land...I'm a girl in Arkansas who just had her heart ripped out. I cannot tell anyone because it would be even harder to repair if people knew. I just wanted to let someone out there know that I am here.

At 10:42 AM , Blogger anonymous said...

Hi girl from Arkansas. So sorry for your pain. Remember that forgiveness takes time, but good for you for making the decision to do so. It is more a gift to yourself than to your husband.

Two things: Yes, bringing it up will make it hard on your husband, but you have to deal with it. Think no only what is good for him, but what is good for the marriage. You guys have stuff to talk about, and if that makes him uncomfortable, tough cookies. That doesn't mean you get to berate him forever. You gotta move on at some point. But while it's fresh, you simply must communicate.

Second, you say you have no one to talk to. I was the same way. I'm so grateful I had a counselor with whom I could unload. GET A COUNSELOR. It will help more than you know.

Good luck!


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