Intermission - How things are now
Before I talk more about D-day ("discovery day"), I need to remind myself of where we are. I still have emotions I haven't completely dealt with from back then, and going through it in detail has kind of bummed me out.
But that was then, this is now.
Today, we have a good life together and love each other very much. I would not say we are healed, but -- I'm not psychologist -- I don't think you ever completely heal from something like this. You can put more and more time behind you and let go of more and more each day, but there will never be a time that I do not bear scars from what we went through. Hearing about someone having an affair, for example, will always affect me differently having faced it personally. I will never, ever desire to be friends, or even see, the other guy. So some change is permanent.
But I don't obsess about the affair. I don't wonder where my wife is every minute of every day. I don't feel like there's a third person in our relationship -- not anymore. These feelings ebbed over time until now it is a bad memory. It doesn't seem so personal anymore, like it is something that somebody did to me. It feels more like we went through a bad storm or car accident that was scarey and painful, but we went through it together and survived it together.
We're different people than we were a few years ago, and almost all the changes are good ones. Our relationship is stronger than ever. Want proof? We're talking about a second child. She's gone of the pill and has bought maternity clothes. You don't do that if you are not planning on sticking around.